Of Phoenix Feathers
by R4v3n Kn1ght
Summary: Getting phoenix tail feathers for wand cores is a tricky business, especially when there's really only one phoenix in the area…and that was aware of its tail being coveted by the wand-maker. Humor!


**Author's Notes:** To Azura – Thanks for your review for "Death Eaters, A History." Glad the line about Bellatrix killing someone could make you laugh, and that you enjoyed it.

To Dork-with-glasses – Thanks for the review from "Vernon's Guide to Good Living." Unfortunately, though I was not planning on doing a chapter for every rule. Sorry to disappoint. But knowing me, that would end up being huge! And I have too many of these one-shot crack-fics ready to add 11 or 12 more with each rule. But, I am glad you enjoyed it!

Another one of those discussion moments with Artemis Arcturus produced something like this. This is a humor fic and is not intended to be taken seriously in any way! I do not own Harry Potter, or any recognizable characters, locations, etc. They all belong to JK Rowling.

**Of Phoenix Feathers**

Getting phoenix tail feathers for wand cores is a tricky business, especially when there's really only one phoenix in the area…and that was aware of its tail being coveted by the wand-maker.

Dumbledore waited until dark, when Fawkes was sleeping, before he made his move. He had recently received an owl from Ollivander, the wand-maker in Diagon Alley, requesting another phoenix tail feather. When the first one was collected, Fawkes threw a tantrum. The phoenix refused to stay on the perch after that first feather was plucked from his bottom. Just for spite, Fawkes flew all about Dumbledore's office right before it was time to ignite into a fireball. The wizard had lost several priceless flammable items because his bird was angry around its burning day. Ever since that day, it took many, many decades before Fawkes stopped being spiteful and deliberately setting his belongings on fire.

Things were peaceful again between Dumbledore and Fawkes. The bird had even gotten him out of a tight situation or two, especially during the last few months of Voldemort's rise. His owed a lot to his phoenix…

…and how was he going to repay him? By ripping out a tail feather!

If Harry Potter could defeat Voldemort, then Dumbledore could surely manage to yank out a tail feather of his pet bird!

Dumbledore cursed Ollivander in his mind as he hid behind the curtain in his office. He'd been here for hours! Just waiting until Fawkes fell asleep. He'd even told Minerva that he'd been called away to the Ministry for important business. He'd said it over the floo network, loud enough for his phoenix to hear him. If his plan worked, hopefully Fawkes would think he would have the place to himself and relax a bit tonight.

Although Dumbledore did not expect to be waiting behind a curtain for nearly this long. Just when he was about to start creeping towards the phoenix, it would let out a keening cry and ruffle its feathers. The wizard would have to remain behind the curtain. Ollivander better pay him an obscene price for this tail feather, because not many things were worth standing behind a curtain for hours for, at least in Dumbledore's opinion anyway.

Finally, the moment arrived! Fawkes was breathing regularly and hasn't ruffled his feathers for a few minutes!

Dumbledore silently crept towards the phoenix's perch. He first wore an expression of utmost concentration, which slowly morphed into a twisted, excited, victorious grin. His thin, pale hand slowly extended to reach towards the long, elegant tail feather of his pet bird. He was almost there…

In a split second, Dumbledore grabbed the feather and yanked hard!

Fawkes let out this deafening shriek before he burst into flames! For another moment, Dumbledore felt bad. He'd scared the bird so badly that it combusted! He looked at the tail feather he held in his fingers with a triumphant grin. In only a few minutes, the tiny bald head of a baby phoenix appeared from the ash remains of the adult. Dumbledore reached to stroke its head, but it snapped at him, and dug its beak into his finger! The wizard stepped back alarmed, sucking on his finger.

"I suppose it will take some time before I manage to get another one?" he asked.

Fawkes glared at Dumbledore, before spitting at him.

"I'll take that as a yes, shall I?" the wizard said, wiping the glob of spit from his beard. Fawkes glared again at him, and set his head down in the ashes, whimpering sadly.

Dumbledore walked over to his fireplace, and threw in some floo powder, shouting his destination clearly. He stepped into the green flames…

…to leave another fireplace in Diagon Alley, directly into Ollivander's shop. "Ollivander!" he shouted, none too gently. He heard a shuffling from the back of the shop aisles. Soon enough, the elderly face of Ollivander appeared, looking anxious.

"Have you got it?" he asked. "When will another one be ready?"

Dumbledore held up the newly plucked phoenix tail feather. "Well, Ollivander," he said, handing over the feather, "You'll have to come back in another few years. The next feather should be ready then."

"Years? Well, I suppose I should hide this one, then. It'll be a rare wand, after all. The second of only two phoenix tail feather cores!" Ollivander held the feather like it was an infant.

"Wasn't Voldemort's wand a phoenix feather?"

"Yes…"

Dumbledore and Ollivander stared at each other for a moment…They seemed to be thinking the same thing. When they said the same thing, they knew they had the same plan, one that wouldn't happen for almost nine more years.

"Better save this wand for Harry Potter!"

_Please review! Again, not meant to be serious. Thank you for reading! _


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